Who am I???

There is one question that I’ve asked myself repeatedly over the past few days. And I have no answer to offer yet and none in sight.

As I attended this camp over the weekend about which I have varied opinions that I shall get into later, let me just say that it wasn’t that bad for now, they posed 3 questions, the answers to which we were supposed to scribble on a piece of paper. I just sat there and kept staring at the screen.

Who are you?

Who do you pretend to be?

What are you grateful for?

I was stumped. At the end my paper read just one line: “I don’t know who I am and frankly I think I pretend to be what I think I am.”

What defines who I am?? Is it my likes and dislikes or the combination of cells and tissues that sets me apart from a million or what I believe in? Maybe its the combination of genes and the 9-letter word at the end of my name or the set of beliefs, principles, ideals that I hold or the lack thereof. Is it what I’ve done or what I might do or my fears and strengths or the fact that I love licking the cream off oreos before eating them and that my fingers are crooked (I know plain weird I tell you. I’ve tried straightening by sticking a rod to it for hours at a stretch till I could hear the cells scream in unknown languages and hammered it with a hammer (DUH!!) till I think I broke a bone or two and ended up making them look more crooked. Freakingfruck! Or maybe I didn’t do that but it doesn’t mean I don’t want them straighter any less!!!) .

So really who the hell am I?

If you are thinking that silly girl it is a combination of everything you mentioned and that thing that you forgot to mention ohhh and that other thing also then I’d like to tell you no. I was not afraid of rats once but now they scare the shit out of me. There are so many little things about one that keep changing. So does that mean I keep changing?? Is there nothing about me that would always be me no matter what! Something that would tell me who I am on the days when I am lost and confused, unsure of everything.

Pretensions are also me. A choice I make. What I would like to be! And hence, what I pretend to be is a part of who I am. Is it weird that sometimes I wonder if I actually like what I like and if I actually am scared of what I think I am? They could just be notions that I might have developed over time. (I know it sounds super lame but yaaaa...)

At some point in our lives we all stop and ask ourselves these questions. Who am I? Where am I going and where do I want to go? I'm not sure if all of us manage to figure that out but some like me are left stumped blogging about it. If you got lost along the way I think I did too. I started by saying something and went on somewhere.

So really who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell.

xoxo ;)

Update: If you have any insights at all to offer they are more than welcome. Or if you know who you are then I would like to know!