The Notebook

And finally I figured out something.

I totally love the movie ‘The Notebook’. It appeals to the 13yr old in me which I would totally like to deny but I know is pointless. The absolutely adorable Rachel McAdams with that naughty smile, lovely dimples and the most exuberant personality and the arrogant Ryan Gosling with his cocky and yet oh-so-cute character make me go awwwwwww!

(I know that is like supremely cheesy but in my defence the movie is also the epitome of cheesiness and yet so cute!!! It has all the classic elements you know.... Rich, pretty girl falls in love with the hunky, poor guy and then there is the evil family but they make it!! And yet it’s made in this beautiful way. Maybe it’s the actors because of whom I love the movie. But ya... :D )

But then everytime they show the older Allie and Noah I wished I could just delete it and have just the younger awesome versions on screen you know. It was so much nicer that way. That killing smile and that adoring look.....

*is looking away starry-eyed into the distance with the hint of a smile on the face*

But finally I figured out today why they had to have the older versions in the movie. I knew that atleast in this case they stick it out with each other. Love doesn’t evaporate as the burdens of real life fall upon the shoulders. It is not just another compromise that you make as life goes on. That even if Allie became old and fat and wrinkled she was still Noah’s Allie and would always be! The ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t come when the two young lovers unite and make vows that only death will part them. It comes when those two lovers grow old together and the love just grows stronger. When even she has stopped knowing herself he will continue knowing and understanding her. When she fails to recognise herself in the mirror he will never forget her. When the music of her lost fingers finds its way to his heart.

So everytime the older Noah and Allie appear on the screen it is to remind us that this once they mean what they say and will continue to. This once it probably is truly love.

Few more letters since obviously I love them

Dear Indian television,

                See I don’t wanna curse you and all right now even though you are supremely retarded and probably one of the dumbest things on this planet made for people with brains the size of an ant’s kidney-stone because I need you now. As simple as that. So can you please show something a wee bit sensible or entertaining atleast? I have way too much time and nothing to do and a good dose of TV is what Nirali needs. I haven’t had TV for what like 10 months and I can’t be sick of it already. L I like the pretty dresses and ahh well you might as well make it a fashion show with awesome sets and decent music (yes I’m sorry to break your brittle heart but you do need different, good music that is a lot less melodramatic and probably a bit nicer you know.... you could try something with) with no one talking since hardly anyone says anything worth listening to.

                Please look into the aforementioned issue and I will be highly grateful. If you want I’m more than willing to help. While I’m at it maybe I could look into the judges for some of the shows who are supremely dull and imbecile. Or the anchors who could win an award for the longest string of dumb things ever said by anyone on TV. Ohh and yes I think I’ll have to help you with the guys you have on the show who could be more charming and maybe win over the girl without 5 minutes of background music and a lovey-dovey song and boring-the-shit-out-of-the-audience look on his face.

                Coming to think of it you don’t need to do anything just let me help and I’ll try to make something of it.

Yours truly

Genuinely bored and truly concerned viewer.

 

Dear Shahrukh,

                You’ve been my favourite for a long time. It was a childish fascination I must say but you were always entertaining to say the least though I never fell in love with you. But you have been disappointing me consistently. So much so that I don’t even remember the last decent movie that you made that I really really liked. Well, I can’t make excuses for you anymore (I know you didn’t ask me to ever but I couldn’t help it). It’s just not worth it. So really if you want to be worthy of your stardom you should start doing some quality work. There are so many others out there more deserving of the fame.

Yours truly,

A lost fan

PS: Just to make it clear you’re not a favourite anymore. All the best.

 

Dear Rajkot and its people,

                You’ve been a very dear place and home to me but let me tell you something. You’ve just made a very big mistake by electing the wrong person. Normally you don’t give a crap which way this country goes but for once you had a chance to do something right. Yes, I might be biased but I know for a fact that the guy you didn’t elect was good. And frankly now you’ll probably get what you deserve for making dumb choices. You’re just blinded and can’t see a man for what he is.

Yours truly

 Regretful for not being here to vote!

Diary excerpt

While cleaning the closet of my sister which was messy enough to suffocate a rat who has lived in dumpsters outside the city, we discovered my first diary of sorts. Many of you may not know that my school was weird to say the least (ofcourse it continues to be one of the best and I have declared my undying love for it rest assured) and once it decided that it would be great for students to write their “introspections” daily. So 10 year olds like me were given this pretty cool diary and 40 long minutes every day to do so. And to help us ignorant fools “introspect” on the days in our 10-yr old lives they gave us a format too which was pretty simple and as such:

·         Good things I did

·         Bad things I did

·         Things I did to be excellent

·         Things I’ll do to be excellent

Now here are a few excerpts from this book, mistakes and all, exactly as it was written (without the brackets ofcourse!! :D)

24/6/98

Wednesday (written diligently in the margins are the dates)

Good things I did

I studied very nicely and confidently yesterday evening. (Sweets just how do you study “confidently”??) I helped my sister yesterday in her studies. I helped my friend to sit comfortably in the rickshaw as she had hurt her knee. I listened to my teacher seriously in the class. I helped some of my classmates in Maths. In the recess I shared my Nasta with my friends.

Bad things I did

I teased my sister and did mischief (just so you know, you manage to do that even today). I made my mother angry.

Things I did to be excellent

I did not do anything to be excellent.

Things I’ll do to be excellent

I’ll read books to be excellent at reading. (wow, I didn’t really remember you were such a geek already!! But then I can’t really think of how else you could be excellent you know...  :P )

26/6/98

Friday

Good things I did

I consoled a small girl as she was crying. I went and brought some clothes from the shop which were there for ironing. I helped my mother in the house.

Bad things I did

I splashed dirty water on my friends. I cried just because I was late for my friend’s party. I got angry on my parents. I hit my elder brother. (now coming to think of it maybe I did throw some tantrums afterall!!)

(Ohh and did you learn that it’s supposed to be “angry with” in 5^th grade???)

Things I did to be excellent

I read books to be excellent at reading. (Already a bookoholic!?!?? I’m proud of you. *geeky smile*)

Things I’ll do to be excellent

I’ll read to be excellent.

29/6/08

Monday

Good things I did

I taught my sister cycling. I helped my sister in doing her H.W.

Bad things I did

I quarrelled with my sister. I teased my friend. I did not study for the test. I did not do my H.W. on time.

Things I did to be excellent

I’ve changed my mind now because I want to be excellent at cycling and not reading.

(LOL! But in my defence that is pretty much what my life revolved around. Now I can’t be excellent at bugging my mom, teasing my sis, playing all kinds of ‘pretend’ games (since I was already excellent at masterminding those.... you know becoming the teacher, doctor, shopkeeper, husband/wife, postman, kid lost in a fire, poor blind girl, the pet dog of a naughty boy who keeps loves trying to catch his own tail, students who consistently fail to do their work etc etc), sleeping, not doing my H.W. or hide and seek and a few other random games I played with friends. )

Things I’ll do to be excellent

I’ll cycle to be excellent at it.

Due Mail

I have owed these letters to people/things for a long long time so here it is:

Dear summer in Rajkot,

                I am absolutely sick and tired of sitting in the house for half the day because the stupid heat is too strong for me to go out without getting sick and sunburnt! It is superbly frustrating to be back home after so long and not to be able to roam around so if you don’t mind try and get lost soon and send some rain. I would truly appreciate it.

Yours truly,

Sick and tired.

 

Dear google,

                You are the bestest thing around and I absolutely adore you. You are greatness personified, the epitome of awesomeness if you please. (I know maybe thoda zyada ho gaya but you get how great you are right??) Obviously your ideas and technology have the marks of a genius but it’s the little things that make me such a great fan. All the teeny-meeny, seemingly unimportant things you can do with gmail are just fabulous. It’s so freaking cool I smile every time I discover something new! (I know that probably sounds geeky but heck care!!) Please keep up whatever you’re doing. I love you. *smiles*

Your fabulous fan.

 

Dear rains in Singapore,

                Maybe I have never told you just how awesome you are and how often you make my day. (I have already forgiven you for that time when you rained so hard that you made my horrible day way worse and made packing and moving a nightmare!!) As I sit here in sweltering heat (ok I’m at home and it’s pretty cool but you know what it’s like outside right??) I want you to know that I miss you a lot and that you’re the best thing about Singapore. Those nights when I sat by the window and saw you splattering in the distance, when I stood on the 8^th floor drenched and smiling, when I was running in the foyer at 5 in the morn and when I was singing at the top of my voice were some of the best ever. You are the perfect solution to a cranky-the-world-sucks-and-nothing-good-can-ever-come-of-it mood. Please keep coming coz I will miss you a hell lot otherwise.

Yours truly,

Ms I-totally-love-rain.

PS: Since there is a lot of rain in Singapore maybe you could come to Rajkot for some time you know..... while I’m here.

 

I rant.....

(Well, as you can see the break from thinking is officially over and so it’s gonna be a little heavy around here as I write about the numerous things that creep into mind and haven’t been written as I’ve been busier than a....... the busiest person!!! )

There are tons of things which set us apart from animals. We all started off at the same place and yet here we are thousands of years later almost able to destroy the planet. Yes, all our actions have not been the smartest but yet we have evolved to an extraordinary extent. Obviously we have a way higher IQ and yes I might sound conceited when I say this but we are definitely a higher species and there are no doubts about that.

As I was watching Ice Age today (which is btw one of the most amazing movies and super darnedest cute!) I realised another very striking difference that I hadn’t noticed till then probably. The only goals of the life of any animal are eating and reproducing. Every body part, habit, characteristic and feature is a function of these goals. Everything they do is towards getting food and ensuring that the species is carried forward. It is probably a very dull life and I doubt they ever realise that it is all they ever do but I’m sure they don’t understand the concept of boredom or entertainment for that matter. (and here I’m not talking about any pet animals who we have tried to humanise though I think they are also pretty content with sitting around and gazing....)

This is what sets us apart. Everything about us is not a function of just one goal. And whenever that is the case success is guaranteed ain’t it? We as humans hardly use a small percentage of what we are to achieve anything. And coming to think of it an effort is probably made to ensure that we don’t; in the form of entertainment. We are probably stopped from thinking and seeing things like we would in other circumstances. I know as a matter of fact that I don’t use all I have and could though maybe I’d be better off if I did but ahhh well.......   

PS: I had seen the movie long back and this incomplete post was pending. Coming to think of it, it doesn't really matter when I saw the movie but ahh well.... :D

NRI??!!?

And finally I am back. And yes, I have lots to write. I missed my blog. But instead of dumping all my posts I'll go one a day. :)

As I sat there with the form in my hand I wondered if I was an NRI technically. For some reason I’d never thought of myself in those terms. And yet I asked myself if somehow over the years I had actually become an NRI (I had to think a lot also since I have this fear that if I do not write the absolutely correct answer on these silly forms the airport authorities would haunt me forever and probably dump me in some godforsaken place). When I came back to Singapore for Uni as I looked at the trees-lined roads fly by from the cab and talked to the taxi-wala I suddenly recognised that feeling of coming back.

But yet the feeling of being at home is entirely missing over there. Yes, I have a different life over there and close friends like family yet coming to India is coming to home. That endless stretch of yellow land and those unknown yet open faces that flew by my train was home. That hustle-bustle and medley of bodies was home. That familiar tongue that I couldn’t understand was homely. The taste of unhygienic and yet awesomely yummy road-wali pani puri is home. That sweltering heat which made me conscious of every passing moment was still home!!

Who will I finally identify with, in a few years? Will I always be an Indian at heart and yet a Singaporean for most of the year? Will it really matter in the end where I live coz being an Indian is at the core of my identity? Built in me for the 17 years that I lived here. Will I also grow up to have a confused  identity like the millions before me who are swinging between the two nations and trying to fit in everywhere. Holding on to values and cultures that form a part of you.

Maybe in the end it doesn’t matter what I identify with. All of this adds up to me. I will always be an Indian no matter where I live and everywhere else that I go will just embed itself in my personality. 

Me and my religion

And I prayed fervently. Hoping against hope that some all-powerful, mysterious being in the folds of the universe would be jobless enough to listen to my insignificant cries for help and actually do something about it. And I start saying it out loud to drown out that voice of reason in me which prevented me from believing what I was saying. Maybe saying it faster would help. Maybe I could drown out all the voices around me that stop me from believing that anything could come from those cries for help!

But I know it’s hopelessly futile. There is no omnipotent, omnipresent all-mighty lord whose only job is to listen to us mortals and our insignificant worries and then actually bother to do something about it! All those meaningless rituals are truly in all probability meaningless!!! Lighting a diya, dipping bread in wine, kneeling, bowing and what not is entirely pointless. If there was truly a God somewhere I doubt he was petty enough to care whether u turned to the left and bowed or if you showered and talked to him. If he really did think all those silly little things are important than maybe I don’t want to bow down to Him/Her.  (Did I anger the Gods now???) If not believing in Him means I’m doomed to the blazing fires in the depths of hell than I doubt if I should. Shouldn’t he get it that after all we’re human ad we have our doubts and limitations? Why should I pray to someone who is cocky enough to send you to hell if you so much as doubt his existence? What happened to magnanimity and forgiving?

(Please ignore the tone... I’m not pissed or anything but just like writing this way!! :D)

“When you see all that is going on around you, you need to know it is a part of a greater plan to keep sanity.” That is the gist of what a nurse in Scrubs said. And that is what God and religion is all about. When you don’t have any hope, when you are looking for ever-elusive answers, when the world stops making sense and you wonder how things could continue going wrong like this you need to know that there is a higher being up there who is better off than you are. That there is someone who can help you, someone who has the answers and who knows that everything happens for a reason that we cannot always see. And that’s about it. Faith without questioning, belief in everything you’re told that’s what religion is about. And maybe there’s nothing wrong with it. Why can’t we believe in a few fables if that’s what it takes to get through the tough times in life?? Why can’t we believe in a few rituals that help you to rebuild faith in yourself? Its only when that blind faith starts governing your life that it really is time to stop being so blind. Except that I can’t have that faith except when at the end of my tether and really hope that there was someone out there who could fix things that I can’t. Almost seems like I’m lying to myself.

Sometimes I think that long years back when people didn’t have answers to soooo many everyday questions they just had to create mystic beings to give some semblance of sense and meaning to their lives. Create an order amidst all that lack of information. But apparently they got very caught up in it as they passed it around and now here, centuries later still caught up in it. And now I’m not saying that we should just disregard everything religion says, as all it’s trying to do is instil values that would make life simpler. Wrap it up in colourful stories and sell it. And then things got out of hand with the churches and temples and the power play.

(There are lots of other problems that I have with various faiths but I'll go into the nitty-gritty details some other time!)

So yes, I don’t think there is a God, I don’t believe in all those things that various religions have to say. The only thing kind of God I can believe in is the energy. That’s the only thing that is omnipresent and omnipotent but I know I don’t have to bow before it and it will never punish me for not acknowledging. If anything I can harness it to achieve anything I want. That is all it is about!

Marriages are over-rated

I have never really talked about what I think about marriages. It always seemed like a very distant concept you know. (I'm not really sure if that makes sense but I hope you get what I mean.)

Anywho, marriages are highly over-rated according to me. I'll try to take this one, a step at a time. Why get married in the first place?? Various reasons include license to have sex (not so much anymore), license to reproduce, social pressures, convenience or in some cases love. Now the other reasons I don't really want to refute. But the last one..... Do you really need a certificate to commit to someone you truly love? Do you really need meaningless ceremonies and rituals to show your love for that someone? Is the presence of hundreds of people who hardly care for anything but the free food and booze and pretty dresses necessary when you make the most important promise of your life?? Why the show and the pretense?? If you truly love someone and would like to spend your life with him then do you need to be bound by a social contract?? 

(On a sidenote, I'm not really sure when one should get married. Somehow 'to whom' seems more important. Or maybe not. Ahhh well... )

Hence it seems utterly futile to me to put up a show for the entertainment of others. (Unless you want to wear pretty dresses and feel like a queen/king for a couple of days.... Marriage is probably the only thing where you get to do this unless you are a celebrity that is... )  And does it look like I care if a random judge in a derelict building recognises my commitment/marriage?!??!

Isn't it all just about being there for each other? About living life together as it comes no matter what? About doing that coz you want to and its fun, not because once you signed a piece of paper together. 

So if someday I decide to get married I'd like to elope. (This might also have to do something with the fact that I like the idea of running away.) Yes, not elope and go to the first temple on the way and get some random dude to perform meaningless rites but runaway to a beautiful place, probably a mountain or exceptionally tallllllll building considering my fascination for heights, and say 'I do' or the equivalent to each other in the presence of a rising sun. That would be more than enough to ensure that I try my best to give everything to a commitment that means a lot to me. I don't need functions and ceremonies to mark the marriage. I only need to hear it and say it without any witnesses except the two people who intend to keep that promise. And if this could be called a marriage that is how I'd like to be married. 

PS: The break from thinking is over now! :D

Even the seas didn't have an answer....

And I sat there and wondered why. Wondered why I was there. Wondered why I couldn't let go. Wondered why I wouldn’t let go.  Tried to find a meaning in all of it. Tried to make sense of it. But I couldn’t. I had no idea what the fuck was happening!!! And I didn’t want any of it. Not one bit of it.

The waves crashed against the shore. The soft, cool breeze brushed against my face and I tried to keep the hair off my face. It was the most soothing sound ever, that of the endless ocean crashing against the piece of land. The horizon lighted by a string of lights and undefined shapes. Shapes that could be anything that I wanted them to. Or just lights lighting the skyline into a brilliance that was almost indecent at that hour. And once again I looked at the ocean and hoped that all that beauty would show me some meaning, some sense, some reason. That fascinating expanse of dark waters holds many mysteries and yet no answers!! Yes, it was silly of me to expect it to give me some semblance of meaning.

You see the fact is that I have the answers and I know that. But I don’t want to look deep inside sometimes while at other times I just don’t have the courage to recognise these answers. Don’t we all deny things some times?? Just go along with things the way they are. And one day when you look around you wonder how you got there. Did you really want to be there? Is it where you want to be? And you know the worst thing is often you won’t get away. You’ll stick to it and try to find a reason. Any reason that would convince you that it is where you should be, where you want to be! But why do you want to do that!?? Yes, I know it is difficult to leave the comfort zone but all right things are not always simple. Once in a while it’s going to be tough and confusing but you can do it.

I know that was vague. It was meant to be.

Me: Part deux

WHEEEEE!!!!

And with the end of the exams here is Me: Part Deux. Once again I have no idea just how many things I want to write so we’ll see how it goes.

Obviously I’m self-obsessed.

Anyhoots here goes:

1.       I had a collection of over a 100 tinkles of which I was very proud and was utterly heartbroken when my mom threw it away.

(I had not read a single one for years and some of them might or might not have had fungal growth.)

2.       I love tee-shirts and jackets with hoods.

3.       I like buying the same things again.

4.       My attention span has now been reduced to that of a 1-yr old and its surprisingly easy to distract me with anything.

5.       I think laziness is a very good reason to skip lunch.

6.       I am not kidding when I say I want to retire and live in a French village.

7.       I absolutely detest doing my laundry. Why I can’t I just have disposable clothes or can’t some genie do it for me regularly?

8.       I like writing emails. They get me really high. :D Ofcourse now that I blog to bull-shit I don’t write emails that often.

9.       I have discovered that I am going to publish a book someday. How cool would that be!???!?

10.   I think writing in bullet points is really cool. I mean you don’t have to care about structure and shit.

11.   Like I can tell you that I am scared of Russia right after I told you that bullets are cool.

12.   Ya, I tend to associate Russia with mafia, dark alleys, cold cold streets and scary men who are weird.

13.   I was actually mistaken about my favourite colour for years!!

14.   Its amazing that the backs of our heads are almost as distinct as our faces.

15.   I fantasised solving mysteries when reading famous five’s when I was 11-12. I still have hope.

16.   I love making lists of all kinds. Lists of books I’ve read, books I want to read, movies I’ve seen and would like to see, things to do, things done, things about me, things about random people(I haven’t done that. Doesn’t mean I won’t though. ;) ), resolutions, wish list and many more. You get the point right?

17.   After reading twilight endlessly I once dreamt I was a vampire living with a family of vampires who played the weirdest/funny games. I still managed to sleep in my dream.

18.   One of the most retarded arguments of all times is whether girls are better than guys. Please don’t ever give me a generalised statement about girls/guys or try to get me into a related argument. I cringe and my mind goes...  “WOW he is retarded!!!!” involuntarily.

19.   “If I was a flower growing wild and free, all I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.”

20.   Ok finally finally after having written a bit too many random things about myself I’m finally bored of it. And 20 is a good number to stop. :D

SO long.....