Does it make sense to anyone?

As I scan through the news I read about lots of things that go wrong with the world. There are earthquakes and tsunamis and floods and like that wasn't death enough people decide to go out there and kill each other themselves blinded by a dozen reasons. Reasons that make sense on paper and in conference rooms as great minds discuss strategies and combat ad move the pieces of pawn. And yet on the field it translates to lives. It means that someone will not see the morning the next day, will not hit the bed at night and curse about how life sucks coz someone took that life away and there will be someone who will yearn for him to come back as the emptiness of the night creeps in. But he that was swallowed will never come back. To them it won't make sense; why tomorrow should not have some and yet have some.

And then there will be me and thousands like me who will scan the news and lament over the loss of these lives. Except that they will just be numbers to me. Numbers that though horrifying are just numbers. Numbers that I will soon forget as I wake up to a new tomorrow. Once in a while one of these numbers will find a face, a voice and a name in a book or a movie and I will mourn the waste. Till the face is blurred by a flurry of days. 

Do I regret that?? No, I don't. Harsh as it may sound I'm glad they are just numbers. I don't think I have the capacity or the horizon to give names to the multitudes lost. They will always mean something to only a few and become part of the statistics for the rest of us. It's the way it is meant to be. Throughout life we pass by thousands of people in various ways and only some are meant to stay with you as the years fade away. Once in a while you'll miss the ones that went separate ways. (There I digress a little.)

I don't know how the Presidents and the Prime Ministers and their army of minds sleep at night knowing that their decision or their judgement could have cost a life. A few thousand lives! And just what if it was a mistake? What if you made an error? How do you then tell yourself that you won't repeat it?! How do you tell those who are not here anymore that you made a mistake? Cause now they are not here any more!! And yet someone has to make those decisions. Because in the grand scheme of things your chickening out won't always save lives! There will always be other factors beyond your control who will force you to make these choices. You just sure as help hope that you're right or that a pricking conscience doesn't keep you up like it might keep some. 

Choices

When does one start having a choice?? I don't know when was the first time I shook my head and told mom that I wanted the blue toffee instead of the red one. When I shook my head to tell her I'm not hungry or that I don't like that icky looking spoonful she is trying to feed me.

But these weren't the important choices. The important choices would have been whether I wanted to go to school or not? Whether I wanted wanted to dance or play basketball. And I'm not saying that things have been forced on me.

But just when do children exactly start making their own choices? When should they be allowed to choose their paths? When we know that now they'll choose like we teach them to? What should they be allowed to choose? (Yes, I think I can safely say that I have crossed the line. :P )

We guide them and direct them into seeing the world as we see it. We teach them to appreciate what we appreciate and value what we value. And sometimes I wonder which bit would've been me if not for some influence or another.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. When you enter this world and stare at the plain blue sky you need someone to tell you, you can fly if you get out. To tell you not to scorch yourself as you scale distances. To hold your hand and show you what the ground feels like. The only trouble is when we don't see the world clearly ourselves. When we try to impose what is not for us to impose!

It is very tricky and a lucky few get it right.

Holi

I just realised how much I miss mom and Shivali on holi. I'm not really that big on taking colours and acting like a nutcase.  But they were always so excited. Right since morning. I remember even as kids Shivali couldn't wait to start messing the house. Right since she woke up. Or sometimes the day before only. :) And I tried my best to stay clean till as long as I could. Till I was finally bullied by mom and Shivali and become a mega mess. It was like they couldn't get enough of messing the crap out of me till I probably had purple scalp and blue nails!!

Yes, they bullied dad too. :)

And I miss that. I miss mom forcing me to get out of the house and enjoy the day. She tried from there but it doesn't work unless she is there to drag me along.

I love you guys and I miss you a lot. Every bit of it. And for a change I wish that you could put every damn colour on me much against my will. I wish.....