Me and my religion

And I prayed fervently. Hoping against hope that some all-powerful, mysterious being in the folds of the universe would be jobless enough to listen to my insignificant cries for help and actually do something about it. And I start saying it out loud to drown out that voice of reason in me which prevented me from believing what I was saying. Maybe saying it faster would help. Maybe I could drown out all the voices around me that stop me from believing that anything could come from those cries for help!

But I know it’s hopelessly futile. There is no omnipotent, omnipresent all-mighty lord whose only job is to listen to us mortals and our insignificant worries and then actually bother to do something about it! All those meaningless rituals are truly in all probability meaningless!!! Lighting a diya, dipping bread in wine, kneeling, bowing and what not is entirely pointless. If there was truly a God somewhere I doubt he was petty enough to care whether u turned to the left and bowed or if you showered and talked to him. If he really did think all those silly little things are important than maybe I don’t want to bow down to Him/Her.  (Did I anger the Gods now???) If not believing in Him means I’m doomed to the blazing fires in the depths of hell than I doubt if I should. Shouldn’t he get it that after all we’re human ad we have our doubts and limitations? Why should I pray to someone who is cocky enough to send you to hell if you so much as doubt his existence? What happened to magnanimity and forgiving?

(Please ignore the tone... I’m not pissed or anything but just like writing this way!! :D)

“When you see all that is going on around you, you need to know it is a part of a greater plan to keep sanity.” That is the gist of what a nurse in Scrubs said. And that is what God and religion is all about. When you don’t have any hope, when you are looking for ever-elusive answers, when the world stops making sense and you wonder how things could continue going wrong like this you need to know that there is a higher being up there who is better off than you are. That there is someone who can help you, someone who has the answers and who knows that everything happens for a reason that we cannot always see. And that’s about it. Faith without questioning, belief in everything you’re told that’s what religion is about. And maybe there’s nothing wrong with it. Why can’t we believe in a few fables if that’s what it takes to get through the tough times in life?? Why can’t we believe in a few rituals that help you to rebuild faith in yourself? Its only when that blind faith starts governing your life that it really is time to stop being so blind. Except that I can’t have that faith except when at the end of my tether and really hope that there was someone out there who could fix things that I can’t. Almost seems like I’m lying to myself.

Sometimes I think that long years back when people didn’t have answers to soooo many everyday questions they just had to create mystic beings to give some semblance of sense and meaning to their lives. Create an order amidst all that lack of information. But apparently they got very caught up in it as they passed it around and now here, centuries later still caught up in it. And now I’m not saying that we should just disregard everything religion says, as all it’s trying to do is instil values that would make life simpler. Wrap it up in colourful stories and sell it. And then things got out of hand with the churches and temples and the power play.

(There are lots of other problems that I have with various faiths but I'll go into the nitty-gritty details some other time!)

So yes, I don’t think there is a God, I don’t believe in all those things that various religions have to say. The only thing kind of God I can believe in is the energy. That’s the only thing that is omnipresent and omnipotent but I know I don’t have to bow before it and it will never punish me for not acknowledging. If anything I can harness it to achieve anything I want. That is all it is about!

Marriages are over-rated

I have never really talked about what I think about marriages. It always seemed like a very distant concept you know. (I'm not really sure if that makes sense but I hope you get what I mean.)

Anywho, marriages are highly over-rated according to me. I'll try to take this one, a step at a time. Why get married in the first place?? Various reasons include license to have sex (not so much anymore), license to reproduce, social pressures, convenience or in some cases love. Now the other reasons I don't really want to refute. But the last one..... Do you really need a certificate to commit to someone you truly love? Do you really need meaningless ceremonies and rituals to show your love for that someone? Is the presence of hundreds of people who hardly care for anything but the free food and booze and pretty dresses necessary when you make the most important promise of your life?? Why the show and the pretense?? If you truly love someone and would like to spend your life with him then do you need to be bound by a social contract?? 

(On a sidenote, I'm not really sure when one should get married. Somehow 'to whom' seems more important. Or maybe not. Ahhh well... )

Hence it seems utterly futile to me to put up a show for the entertainment of others. (Unless you want to wear pretty dresses and feel like a queen/king for a couple of days.... Marriage is probably the only thing where you get to do this unless you are a celebrity that is... )  And does it look like I care if a random judge in a derelict building recognises my commitment/marriage?!??!

Isn't it all just about being there for each other? About living life together as it comes no matter what? About doing that coz you want to and its fun, not because once you signed a piece of paper together. 

So if someday I decide to get married I'd like to elope. (This might also have to do something with the fact that I like the idea of running away.) Yes, not elope and go to the first temple on the way and get some random dude to perform meaningless rites but runaway to a beautiful place, probably a mountain or exceptionally tallllllll building considering my fascination for heights, and say 'I do' or the equivalent to each other in the presence of a rising sun. That would be more than enough to ensure that I try my best to give everything to a commitment that means a lot to me. I don't need functions and ceremonies to mark the marriage. I only need to hear it and say it without any witnesses except the two people who intend to keep that promise. And if this could be called a marriage that is how I'd like to be married. 

PS: The break from thinking is over now! :D

Even the seas didn't have an answer....

And I sat there and wondered why. Wondered why I was there. Wondered why I couldn't let go. Wondered why I wouldn’t let go.  Tried to find a meaning in all of it. Tried to make sense of it. But I couldn’t. I had no idea what the fuck was happening!!! And I didn’t want any of it. Not one bit of it.

The waves crashed against the shore. The soft, cool breeze brushed against my face and I tried to keep the hair off my face. It was the most soothing sound ever, that of the endless ocean crashing against the piece of land. The horizon lighted by a string of lights and undefined shapes. Shapes that could be anything that I wanted them to. Or just lights lighting the skyline into a brilliance that was almost indecent at that hour. And once again I looked at the ocean and hoped that all that beauty would show me some meaning, some sense, some reason. That fascinating expanse of dark waters holds many mysteries and yet no answers!! Yes, it was silly of me to expect it to give me some semblance of meaning.

You see the fact is that I have the answers and I know that. But I don’t want to look deep inside sometimes while at other times I just don’t have the courage to recognise these answers. Don’t we all deny things some times?? Just go along with things the way they are. And one day when you look around you wonder how you got there. Did you really want to be there? Is it where you want to be? And you know the worst thing is often you won’t get away. You’ll stick to it and try to find a reason. Any reason that would convince you that it is where you should be, where you want to be! But why do you want to do that!?? Yes, I know it is difficult to leave the comfort zone but all right things are not always simple. Once in a while it’s going to be tough and confusing but you can do it.

I know that was vague. It was meant to be.

Me: Part deux

WHEEEEE!!!!

And with the end of the exams here is Me: Part Deux. Once again I have no idea just how many things I want to write so we’ll see how it goes.

Obviously I’m self-obsessed.

Anyhoots here goes:

1.       I had a collection of over a 100 tinkles of which I was very proud and was utterly heartbroken when my mom threw it away.

(I had not read a single one for years and some of them might or might not have had fungal growth.)

2.       I love tee-shirts and jackets with hoods.

3.       I like buying the same things again.

4.       My attention span has now been reduced to that of a 1-yr old and its surprisingly easy to distract me with anything.

5.       I think laziness is a very good reason to skip lunch.

6.       I am not kidding when I say I want to retire and live in a French village.

7.       I absolutely detest doing my laundry. Why I can’t I just have disposable clothes or can’t some genie do it for me regularly?

8.       I like writing emails. They get me really high. :D Ofcourse now that I blog to bull-shit I don’t write emails that often.

9.       I have discovered that I am going to publish a book someday. How cool would that be!???!?

10.   I think writing in bullet points is really cool. I mean you don’t have to care about structure and shit.

11.   Like I can tell you that I am scared of Russia right after I told you that bullets are cool.

12.   Ya, I tend to associate Russia with mafia, dark alleys, cold cold streets and scary men who are weird.

13.   I was actually mistaken about my favourite colour for years!!

14.   Its amazing that the backs of our heads are almost as distinct as our faces.

15.   I fantasised solving mysteries when reading famous five’s when I was 11-12. I still have hope.

16.   I love making lists of all kinds. Lists of books I’ve read, books I want to read, movies I’ve seen and would like to see, things to do, things done, things about me, things about random people(I haven’t done that. Doesn’t mean I won’t though. ;) ), resolutions, wish list and many more. You get the point right?

17.   After reading twilight endlessly I once dreamt I was a vampire living with a family of vampires who played the weirdest/funny games. I still managed to sleep in my dream.

18.   One of the most retarded arguments of all times is whether girls are better than guys. Please don’t ever give me a generalised statement about girls/guys or try to get me into a related argument. I cringe and my mind goes...  “WOW he is retarded!!!!” involuntarily.

19.   “If I was a flower growing wild and free, all I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.”

20.   Ok finally finally after having written a bit too many random things about myself I’m finally bored of it. And 20 is a good number to stop. :D

SO long.....