Growing up

I love public speaking. Always have. Since I was 7 and took part in the Ram Krishna Ashram elocution competition. That rush of adenaline before you speak in front of an audience. The butterflies in your stomach and yet the excitement. It's an amazing feeling. The love for the stage and the mic. I miss it. All of it. And I hope it's not too late to go back to it soon. 


Is that a part of growing up? Do we sometimes leave behind things we once loved unknowingly? Leave parts of you behind that soon become fond memories you talk about lost in growing up. Caught up in the throes of life we let things once important slip by. Every once in a while as I ponder over what lies ahead I question the choices I've made. While I'm not disappointed with where I am right now I do regret some choices. Things I could've done. And regret is one of the ugliest feelings. It's that sinking in your stomach made so much worse by the helplessness, the knowledge that you can't go back. But what you can do is make sure you pick every shell that catches your fancy as you walk along the sandy beaches of life. Occasionally a wave comes along and some are washed away. But that's okay coz up ahead there lie a few more.


I am at one of the most exciting but scary as shit places in my life. If my life was a novel this would be the beginning of Book 2. Not just a new chapter but a new book. A new book filled with new places and new people but the same old me with new aspirations and goals. New promises and new challenges. I had a plan. That plan changed and I don't know if I am on track. 


But now I have a new list. A list of all I want to do and be. And a new plan. I don't know if 10 years from today how far along this plan I'll be but I sure as hell am going to try. And public speaking definitely is on the list. What is life afterall without hope and excitement?